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Summer, For Better or Worse

by A-Pow

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1.
Hot/Cold 01:53
In a heat wave all those years ago everything changed Mistake after mistake and now I am who I am today Staring at the ceiling, wondering if you'd understand You changed how I saw myself, then you turned around and ran You are my small town secret Lock me away You are my small town secret Because the way I feel makes me ashamed
2.
Upwards... 01:48
Upwards and onwards I said But it felt the opposite in my heart and my head Upwards and onwards I said Leaving everything I love to pursue what I thought I'd wanted
3.
...Onwards 01:28
After school with your new Gamecube Playing Tony Hawk's Underground 2 Do you even remember your promise? You were Chad Muska I was Jamie Thomas Now I'm sleeping with boys You would have hated in high school Now I am that boy You would have hated in high school And I would have hated you too.
4.
Short of breath in the car and I'm freaking out Heart rate high, this is the end no doubt Can't stop thinking, thinking about The ones I'll leave behind Short of breath in the parking lot I know Short of breath in the waiting room, I've been here before And I can wait for an hour, I'll wait for an hour Until I calm down and then go home Cuz' if I was gonna die I would have done it in College Dropped dead on the way to the clinic If I was gonna die I would have done it in high school I would have done it before I met you It'll be okay You're having a bad day There's nothing really wrong with you Take this pill and go away It'll be okay Just don't think about it Don't think about it As if it wasn't the only thing I could think about All the people I'll leave behind And how it will finally feel to die But if I was gonna die I would have done it in college Collapse on the treadmill while I'm watching Muary Povich And if I was gonna die I would have done it in high school Would have done it before I met you
5.
What gives you the right to say you understand What gives you the right to say that you are my friend This is not high school This is not his house You do not have control of me. How must it have felt when you left me in the dirt Did you even stop and think that I might be hurt Do you even think the way that you taught me to think Always watching my back My back Eternally This is not high school This is not his house You do not have control of me.
6.
I saw a couple heading down the hill I wished I could be like them Walking hand in hand Sharing cigarettes I wished I could be like them They are so young and cool and happy They are so young and cool and happy I wish I could be young and cool and happy I'll never be young and cool and happy
7.
The hill beside my work Is so very steep Why bother to climb at all When I could stay asleep The hill beside my work It grinds down my bones And when the day is done I climb back up alone Climb back up alone So sit at this desk From 9 to 5 and when the day is done You'll barely feel alive So sit at this desk For 8 hours a day And when you are dead You'll just fade away And what do you get At the week's end A tiny little paycheck That you will quickly spend On gas and groceries and alcohol and weed You can drink drive eat and smoke so you will briefly feel free to feel free.
8.
Foot Race 04:16
Like a metaphor The race I'd planned to run cut right through my path to work. "One more broken promise" I laugh to myself while I sip my beer The one I know I shouldn't drink while I plan my next year. My next year. The one I didn't think I'd see when I turned 18. But look at me now at 23 and I have accomplished nothing. I am not a quitter, but boy I sure am tired I am a fighter, but this is not my fight. There is a checklist above my workdesk Not a single item's checked.
9.
Summer bleeds into other seasons You leave without giving your reason I drink until I'm no longer speaking Everyone moves on in their own way. Some are for better or worse. Summer, for better or worse. Getting old is getting old is getting old And fading out is fading out is fading out You don't look at me now The way you looked at me then Summer for better or worse. Summer for better or worse.

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Some songs about being queer, being un-motivated, being anxious, and getting fucked over by a close friend.

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released June 17, 2018

Everything by me

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A-Pow Newfoundland and Labrador

A-Pow is a sad queer folk punk music person.

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